Cole: Don’t believe everything you think

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

This quote, often attributed to Nietzsche, may have been referring to much more catastrophic circumstances but it’s still a good reminder that one of the most important elements involved in the practice of developing mindfulness, being more present and managing the protective narrative is mindset.

Psychologist Carol Dweck brought the concept of mindset into focus about 20 years ago, suggesting it’s made up of the beliefs we have about ourselves. She says there are two types: Fixed Mindset and Growth Mindset. Author and speaker Simon Sinek expanded on the concept by calling them Finite Mindset (limited and rigid) and Infinite Mindset (adaptive and learning).

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Psychologist and performance coach for the Seattle Seahawks and member of the Flow Research Collective advisory board talks about three different kinds of mind. There’s “negative mind,” which is self-criticism, doubt and limiting thoughts that lead to a constriction of the inner experience (similar to fixed or finite). There’s also “positive mind,” which is optimism, focusing on potential (similar to a growth mindset). And there’s “no mind,” also known as “flow,” where you’re locked in, fully engaged in the present moment, all thoughts fading to the background.

For me, the easiest way to describe mindset is to say that it’s the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves — our internal narrative. Sometimes the story is based on our authentic self-perspective, sometimes it gets hijacked by the protective narrative and limits our potential. Most importantly, we need to understand we have the ability to edit our stories any time we choose to.

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Often when we face challenges or adversity, our fixed mindsets, which were created to protect us and keep us safe, get triggered. But they have very limiting ways of engaging in the world and they keep us stuck in past stories and beliefs. A growth mindset would allow us to learn something useful about how we reacted to any given situation, teaching us how to have a better experience in the future.

One great way to know if your belief narrative is a fixed mindset or a growth mindset is to be aware of its tone and its specific language (a practice greatly enhanced by mindfulness practices like meditation). A fixed mindset would produce a story that sounds like, “that’s just how I am” or “that’s just how things are.” This kind of belief doesn’t allow for any other possibilities in any given moment other than what we’re telling ourselves. A growth mindset would acknowledge the situation and its challenges but would work toward finding a better solution or resolution. A simple way to shift a fixed belief to one that’s oriented toward growth is to add the word “yet” to the end of any limiting belief statement. For example, the statement, “I can’t do it,” is rooted in failure and defeat. By simply changing it to, “I can’t do it yet,” allows for the potentiality of being able to do it sometime in the future. This allows us to overcome obstacles and learn from difficult experiences with more motivation and a clearer purpose.

In his book “Find Your Why” Sinek says “whether you’re trying to stick to a new workout routine, hang on for dear life at the end of a race, or grit out a tough project at the office, having a firm ‘why’ is key. If you have a strong enough why, you’ll figure out the how.”

This theory comes from the basic operating system principles of most species. When we’re in the midst of an activity, our brains are constantly weighing perception of effort — how hard it feels to do what we’re doing — against our motivation to do it. When the perception of effort is greater than the motivation, we slow down or give up. When the opposite is true, we keep going. One of the most effective ways to increase intrinsic motivation lies in the story we tell ourselves about ourselves. This story becomes a mindset, a lens through which we navigate our lives and the world around us. Mindset can rewrite our stories and narratives. It’s essentially the meaning we attach to our experiences.

When it comes to performance, Gervais says you can’t outperform your self-concept. He means that the limiting factor most people experience is their own self-limiting beliefs or their fixed mindset. Gervais also coined the acronym “FOPO” (fear of other people’s opinions). If your narrative is dependent on other people’s view of you, you limit your ability to grow and change. FOPO makes it difficult to have a growth mindset because in order to change, you must alter your beliefs about how others perceive you.

In Joseph Nguyen’s book “Don’t Believe Everything You Think” one of his primary lessons is to challenge our self-limiting thoughts and beliefs. He says we’ll never be able to control every thought, but we can question their power. If we believe.

Next time we’ll talk more about flow from Steven Kotler, founder of the Flow Research Collective and Jason Silva who sees immersive experience as an antidote to anxiety. We’ll explore more of Joseph Nguyen’s lessons and dive deeper into the three kinds of mind from Michael Gervais and how to navigate between them.

Jeff Cole is a licensed professional counselor, board certified leadership and performance coach, certified meditation instructor and graduate of Naropa’s Contemplative Psychology program. He can be reached at jmcole28@gmail.com.